I'm BIG...You're little

While many people ask WHY we go to church so far away (45 minute drive), I just love the drive to church most Sundays. The highways aren't as busy and the route we take has some really nice scenery. In particular, there are a few spots along the way where the highway goes over a river and there are trees lining each side. Many mornings in the fall and spring there is fog hovering over the waters and it is simply beautiful!

Yesterday on my drive home from church, my mind and heart were pondering how I could

better relate to my children (whom I truly don't understand at times) and I passed over one of such rivers and a thought came to me. While I'm not a photographer by any means, I do love

taking mental pictures and thinking about how I can portray different scenes to show different points of view. From the bridge, the river looked so small and insignificant, as if I could easily 'rule' over it.

But then I though, you know, if I got my camera and put it within half an inch from the ground down there by the river, the rock, the river itself and all the trees around it would look grand and majestic!

Then it hit me. My children see me from THAT point of view, and I (unfortunately) see them from the point of view from up above. To me, they seem so small and easy to 'talk at' and expect them to just do as I say because I'm mommy. Yet, they look up to me as their example for all things. In light of that, I just knew I was letting them down. Lord knows how many times I fall....and fail. But now I have this thought to look back on and remind myself of in times when I start to feel I can't stay in control anymore. My children's precious little eyes and hearts NEED me to rely on the Lord for my strength and guidance.

Peace

What? There really IS such a thing as peace? Even in a household of 6 with children constantly running, screaming, laughing, crying, and tugging on me in need of one thing or another?

YES! God says so!

Isaiah 32:17 (NLT) ~ And this righteousness will bring peace.

Yes, it will bring quietness and confidence forever.

Whoa. Quietness and confidence....FOREVER??? I think I could deal with that.

The 'title' of this passage in scripture (Isaiah 32) is called 'Israel's Ultimate Deliverance', and the scripture I posted above is actually directed towards women specifically. Here is a bigger picture of what's going on.

Isaiah 32:9-20 (NLT) ~

⁹ Listen, you women who lie around in ease;

Listen to me, you who are so smug.

¹⁰ In a short time—just a little more than a year—

you careless ones will suddenly begin to care.

For your fruit crops will fail,

and the harvest will never take place.

¹¹ Tremble, you women of ease;

throw off your complacency.

Strip off your pretty clothes,

and put on burlap to show your grief.

¹² Beat your breasts in sorrow for your bountiful farms

and your fruitful grapevines.

¹³ For your land will be overgrown with thorns and briers.

Your joyful homes and happy towns will be gone.

¹⁴ The palace and the city will be deserted,

and busy towns will be empty.

Wild donkeys will frolic and flocks will graze

in the empty forts and watchtowers

¹⁵ until at last the Spirit is poured out

on us from heaven.

Then the wilderness will become a fertile field,

and the fertile field will yield bountiful crops.

¹⁶ Justice will rule in the wilderness

and righteousness in the fertile field.

¹⁷ And this righteousness will bring peace.

Yes, it will bring quietness and confidence forever.

¹⁸ My people will live in safety, quietly at home.

They will be at rest.

¹⁹ Even if the forest should be destroyed

and the city torn down,

²⁰ the Lord will greatly bless his people.

Wherever they plant seed, bountiful crops will spring up.

Their cattle and donkeys will graze freely.

And here's a great excerpt from a site I found studying this chapter of Isaiah.

32:9-14 The Complacent Women

Isaiah calls out in prophecy to the women of Jerusalem in his day.

These women had become complacent - arrogant, careless, feeling safe.

But just about a year from then, disaster would come upon them - it was

certain. He tells them that they should recognize this and repent, humbling

themselves before God.

32:15-20 The Spirit Poured Out

Isaiah had said that the land of Israel would suffer many things for

many years. Even today, it is in turmoil, with worse things yet to come.

But one day, the Spirit will be poured out upon the Jews, and the land

of Israel will change radically. That event will begin a time of wonderful

peace for them.

(rondaniel.com)

Ouch. The women were complacent. Arrogant. Careless. I really don't know if there is any greater criticism than this. When I look at my life, the way I'm living right now, I can probably be bitterly honest and say that, yes, I am complacent.

complacent : pleased, especially with oneself or one's merits, advantages,situation, etc., oftenwithout awareness of some potential danger or defect; self-satisfied

Maybe even arrogant as well. Not blatantly, but how am I serving others who are not as well off as I am? Am I at all? Do I even take a second look at someone who is asking for help on the streets?

arrogant : making claims or pretensions to superior importance or rights;overbearinglyassuming; insolently proud

And careless. How awful is this. And when I look deep into myself, am I not careless at times?

careless : not paying enough attention to what one does; not exact, accurate, or thorough; notcaring or troubling; having no care or concern;unconcerned

Depressed yet?? Whew, I am just looking all this up. My heart aches to think of the 'complacent woman' I am and what will come to me if I remain like this. But HALLELUJAH that the Lord God will send PEACE in the midst of all this!!!! What an AMAZING gift! God KNOWS we are not perfect. God KNOWS that we will fail at times. God KNOWS that we get overwhelmed and discouraged. He KNOWS that we may lose sight and become complacent, arrogant and careless. But what an amazing thing Grace is. No matter how little we deserve it or how hard we want to fight it, the free offering of His Grace is always and forever before us.

Deuteronomy 31:8 (NLT) ~ Do not be afraid or discouraged, for the Lord will personally go ahead of you. He will be with you; he will neither fail you nor abandon you.

TO GOD BE THE GLORY! AMEN!

Call me crazy...

...my husband does! A few other people probably have behind my back as well, and you know what, I'm just fine with that!

If you're reading this blog, then you obviously know me in some shape, form or fashion. I've got my family, old high school friends, my moms group friends, my homeschool group friends, my J07M friends, my FF friends, my natural birth and parenting friends, my EOF friends and some other 'friends' I've picked up along the way via Facebook. And each different set of friends knows different things about me. There are a few things that most don't know, though. And yes, my husband calls me crazy for it, so I don't mind if you think I'm crazy either. But I think my birth junkie friends will love it! :)

So, here goes...I am DESPERATELY desiring to finally fulfill my dream of becoming a birth doula. "Eh, that's not so bad" some of you may say. Cool. What if I told you I also really want to learn to encapsulate placentas??? Yep...that did it. Call me crazy, I told you you would! Whatever you think, though, I can handle it. Becoming a doula has been a desire of my heart for over 4 years now and I think I'm finally getting closer to being able to get the training done and start helping women through the beautiful time of their lives which is labor and birth. And as for the placenta encapsulation? That's still something I'm looking into. Sure, there is ONE place that provides actual training and certification for it, but you know...I'm just not sure that's the right avenue for me. So, still looking into that.

Just figured I'd throw this info out there. I have gone completely off the 'deep end'....I'm crunchy.....granola.....hippie-dippy....whatever you want to call it. You can now refer to me as the TRULY crazy lady, and I will hold that title with the utmost honor!

(Hopefully) Lesson Learned!

Life Lesson #532 : Do NOT go running around Starbucks with your jacket hood over your face. You will fall. You will get hurt. And more than likely, you will eventually make a trip to the ER.

So, yes, yesterday morning we went on a 'milk-drop', as I like to call it (read previous post), to give some milk to a wonderful mama and her precious baby! She brought her other 2 kiddos along and it made for a little mini-party with my kids joining me as well! At first, Preston acted all shy...totally NOT how he normally is if you know my son! After a bit, though, he opened up

and started trying to make everyone laugh by doing silly things. One of those things happened to be pulling his jacket hood over his face and walking around. I'm guessing he was trying to be a mummy or something?? Either way, he fell and hit his chin on a guys chair. The guy didn't even flinch, really. Just looked down to make sure the cord to his computer was still attached and to make sure my son wasn't lying unconscious on the floor. He doesn't have kids (obviously). So my son slowly stands up and slowly starts crying as he's trying to hide his face even more after his little mishap. I understood. He was embarrassed in front of his new friends. Poor guy. :( I took a look at it, and sure enough, he had busted open the under side of his chin. He's had cuts through his mouth before (one caused by a croquet mallet to the face, and another from falling face first on the cement years back), but never under the chin. It still looked like it would be fine to take

him home and just patch him up there without a trip to the dr. We still had some steri-strips leftover from Rebecca's run-in with the fireplace a year or so back. Well, later in the day, he kept picking at the strips and they came off. The cut was still open and not staying together well. We decided a trip to the ER would be best just to make sure he didn't need stitches. After daddy got home and we ate dinner, it was off to the hospital for the 2 guys. A little bit of glue and an hr or 2 later, they're back home. Then this morning, he came up to me to say that he was 'sorry', but that he had picked all the glue off and his cut was opening up again. *sigh* Grandpa wound up coming over with some super glue and small bandaids and we fixed him right up again. Praying

this time he leaves it alone and that it heals quickly!

Milk sharing ~ My story

This post is definitely one of things that are near and dear to my heart. Milk sharing. Here's my story.

The beginning of my story started over 7 years ago, when I was pregnant with my first child. I was 18 years old and had not lifted a finger to educate myself on pregnancy, childbirth or breastfeeding. I guess I just figured that since everyone else did things a certain way, that was just the way I was supposed to as well. I actually remember trying to call the hospital where I was going to give birth and asking if there was any way I could attend a birthing class when I couldn't afford it, but they turned me away. So, when my son decided to come 6 weeks early, I was completely unprepared. My son was immediately taken to the NICU after his birth a

nd I didn't get to spend time with him until hours later. They would not let me nurse my son in

the NICU for the first few days as he was being tube fed and they said that he was 'breathing too fast' for me to put him to the breast. That if I did he would likely suffocate. What did I know? I was barely 19 years old and had no education on how to breastfeed. I figured the doctors wouldn't lead me astray. So back to my hospital room I went with instructions to rent a hospital grade pump and try to bring some milk to my son. During my first pumping session I *think* I got maybe half an ounce of colostrum between both sides. But I kept on going, pumping every 2 hours everyday. And finally, on his final day in the NICU, they allowed me to hold my baby and try breastfeeding him. I remember thinking that there was nothing 'natural' about it...all the nurses hands all over the place, tubes, wires, strange sounds. I just wanted to take my baby home so that we could try this breastfeeding and bonding thing without all the distractions. After

returning home (with an apnea monitor in tow) he still didn't take to my breast well. He seemed totally disinterested, and in my frustration, I just pumped and fed him via bottles. Never once

did I have anyone support my decision to breastfeed, and in fact I had quite the opposite. All the doctors and family members kept saying, "Just give him formula. You can't keep pumping and feeding him. It's too hard." And after a month of pumping and feeding him through bottles, I gave up. It's so hard to type those words and all the emotions come flooding back to me. I gave up on my son. I gave up on giving him the best. To this day I still feel as though I failed him. Even though my son was a preemie, I never heard a single thing about milk banks or donated breastmilk. Never.

So, when my second child came along, I still had all those negative thoughts in my mind, but I

really did WANT to be successful at breastfeeding her. I had read a little bit on the subject, but still didn't have any local support. I was very happy (and honestly shocked) at how well our breastfeeding relationship started. Within 30 minutes or so of her birth, I was holding her and

attempting to latch her on for the first time. And boy, did she latch on just fine!! She was happily sucking away within minutes and things were just so smooth, I really felt like it was too good to be true. And of course, in my pediatrician's eyes, it was. At her 2 week well-visit, she was an ounce below her birth weight and the pedi was 'concerned' that she wasn't getting enough milk. She asked that we bring her back in a week. 6 days later, she had gained 6 oz, but the pediatrician wasn't happy with that and recommended that I supplement with formula. Looking back now, I know how ridiculous that was, but at the time, I still was not educated on how breastfed babies gained weight after birth. And between trying to find a new job and feed a new

baby, I couldn't figure out how to do both and just ended up putting her completely on formula by a month old. Again, I had failed.

With my third child, I cannot tell you how passionate I was about breastfeeding her. There were simply NO doubts in my mind that I WOULD be successful in breastfeeding my child! I read all I could, talked to women online who had breastfed their babies for at least a year and just really psyched myself up to have an awesome breastfeeding relationship with my baby. When the time came and I gave birth at the birth center, things went just as planned. Within 15 minutes of her birth, I was out of the tub, on the bed and she was latched on for a good hour. It was perfect. I just knew things were off to a great start. I did make sure to set my goals realistically though. My first goal was to make it to 6 weeks. If I could just get to 6 weeks of breastfeeding, then I had

surpassed my previous 'records' and would be really proud of myself. I had no idea that those

first 3 weeks would be so difficult. I was in constant pain. My nipples felt so raw and were even cracking and bleeding. I dreaded each feeding and would cry everytime I tried to latch baby on. My husband was even yelling at me to just go get her some formula. But I adamantly refused. I would NOT feed this baby formula, no matter what it took! At 3 weeks, we finally found out what the problem was. I went to visit a friend of mine who had previously attended births as a doula. She watched me nurse my little girl and noticed that her bottom lip was being sucked under every time she latched. I simply started pulling it out at the beginning of each feeding and....the pain was gone!!! Within a few weeks, everything felt fine and our breastfeeding relationship finally became 'mutually desirable'! The relief and joy that came over me was indescribable. I loved breastfeeding my baby and I wasn't afraid to tell anyone any different.

When I finally hit 6 weeks of breastfeeding my little girl....I'll admit....I was so proud of myself

that I cried. I had FINALLY reached my first breastfeeding goal! And I only had 2 more goals to go....3 months and 6 months of exclusively breastfeeding. When all was said and done, my third child was breastfed for 20 months. She weaned when I was 4.5 months pregnant with my fourth child, and I honestly wish she had gone longer. Just such a beautiful and fulfilling experience.

My fourth child is now 4 months old and hasn't had anything besides mommy's milk from day 1. This is where the milk sharing finally comes into play. I remember that with my third child, I had to pump off some milk before most feedings and freeze it because I had such an oversupply. Eventually I just wound up throwing it all out because we didn't use it and I didn't know that I could donate it. But when my 4th baby was just 2 weeks old, I attended the Global Breastfeeding Challenge and received a flier about the Mother's Milk Bank of North Texas. I was immediately

interested in helping out in any way I could! The challenge took place on a Saturday, so first thing Monday morning, I made sure to put a call into the milk bank to become a donor. They did a quick phone screening, then sent me a packet of paperwork to fill out and return to them, along with a script to go get blood work done to test me for any diseases. I think in all the process took about a week to fully complete, but when all was said and done, I was a MILK DONOR!! And SO happy about it! I had already started pumping the week after the challenge and within a month had collected 100 oz to take to the milk bank. The sense of fulfillment I got from sharing my milk was just as great as when I was finally able to breastfeed my own child successfully past a

month.

Just a few weeks after I had contacted the milk bank to become a donor, another milk sharing

group started up. And through this movement, I have been able to bless a few mamas with milk for their little ones. Eats on Feets was created in late 2010 and local chapters have popped up all over the globe in just a few short months! The whole idea behind EOF is this: breastmilk is a free-flowing resource (as posted on FB by Emma Kwasnica, co-founder of EOF Global) and mamas who are in need of milk should be able to have a place where they can find mamas donating milk without worrying about who gets first priority (usually only preemies get milk

bank milk as they're seen as having the highest need and there isn't enough to go around to all babies in need) or about the cost (milk bank milk averages between $3-$4 PER OUNCE). I immediately joined my local chapter and donated to mamas as I could. I'm currently pumping about 15 oz a day and still have mamas in need that I do not have enough for. The demand in my area is so overwhelming and I feel heartbroken that I cannot help them all. Yet I pump and

donate as I can and my heart is just overflowing with joy when I see those precious little babies thriving! I only wish I knew about milk sharing 7 years ago when I had my son. Maybe I

wouldn't have felt like I had failed. Maybe I still would. But I sure would've known that I had done all I could for my son, that I gave him the best that I could. Now, I'm just hoping that I can bless another family who is in a similar situation, just wanting the best for their baby.

PLEASE...if you are willing and able, go join your local Eats on Feets chapter today and giv

e the gift of mama's milk!!

What a night

Oh boy, was yesterday a fun (read: crazy) day! After getting at least 5 inches of snow, hubby called into work to say he wasn't going in. Of course, when anything happens that's not the 'norm', everyone seems to go crazy....not to mention that we'd all been stuck inside the house for DAYS! So, after a long, exhausting day, we had our usual '5 o'clock meltdown' right on schedule. Well, a fellow homeschooling dad posted that the Men's Night Out they had planned was still on, so I basically forced hubby to go as I know he was losing his mind having to listen to the children fussing. He leaves, I get all the kids ready for bed and down, then I sit down to have a few minutes of....wait for it....PEACE! AAAAaaaaahhhhh! Well, around 845, I hear Anna start to fuss a bit, so I went in there to see what was wrong. She said that her tummy hurt and I gave her a sip of water, then laid her back down and covered her with her blankie. She was quiet and I figured that she just went back to sleep. Well, another 5 minutes later and I hear her fully crying and almost screaming this time, so I run in there, and yeah.....poor thing was getting sick all over the place!! I have to catch it all with her beloved blankie as it was the only thing within reach, and when it let up for a minute, I took the opportunity to carry her as fast as I could to the tub so we could get her a bath to clean her up. It's at this time that hubby walks in the door from his night out and the first thing he gets to do is clean up sickness. Poor guy. So Anna gets a bath at 900 at night, we get her out and dressed in clean jammies and she tells us she's going to get sick again. We had to let her stay in the bathroom for a while to make sure she was in close proximity to the potty when she needed to get sick. It was during this time that I took her temp....no fever, thank goodness! But she was still getting sick every now and then, so I sent poor hubby out to get some Sprite, soup and saltines. Bless his heart, he went without complaining. When he got back, we poured Anna a cup of Sprite, but she immediately got sick again at the table. Ugh. Back to the bathroom we went. At this point, I couldn't ignore poor Clara in the room fussing for me, so I had to go and nurse her to calm her back to sleep. Just a few minutes later hubby came in saying that Anna had taken some of the Sprite and a cracker and was back in bed.

This morning we all woke up and, PRAISE GOD, she felt completely fine! Must've just been too many cookies yesterday on top of the spicy cajun catfish she ate for dinner. Oops. Just very grateful that she is in fact well and praying for a sickie-free weekend!!!

Today's Confession

I feel AWFULLY guilty when Clara has to fall asleep on her own, without me holding her or laying next to her. I know it sounds silly, but I can just imagine how good it must feel to fall asleep in the arms of someone you know loves you unconditionally. But today, between trying to clean and cook dinner, she fell asleep in her bouncy chair. :(

THIS is the way it's supposed to be!

It's SNOWPOCOLYPSE 2011!!!!

That's right...we've been in the throes of 'Snowpocolypse 2011' for the better part of a week now. And let me tell you...while it's neat to see the snow falling from the sky, it sure does make cabin fever set in REAL quick when you are forced to stay home! The first day of this stuff was actually a bit scary. We had 'thunder sleet', as the people here in Dallas love to call it, early Tuesday morning which brought a few inches of ice to the area. Hubby still had to go to work in it and I was worried sick that he might slide off the road, but PRAISE GOD that he made it safely! The temps never got above 20 degrees. Then on Wednesday, we woke up to 'rolling blackouts' lasting for 30 minutes each. We were pretty lucky and only had our power go out twice, but others weren't so well off. Yesterday, while still very cold, was better as far as power goes (no outages!) and I was able to get a few loads of laundry done while the kids stayed inside watching movies and doing some schoolwork. And then at midnight this morning, hubby woke me up to say, "Look outside!", and lo and behold, we already had an inch or so of powdery snow! Now, the weatherman said "1 to 2 inches".....but as I hear it, we got about 5-6 inches!! Of course the first thing the kids wanted to do this morning was go out and play in it. I think they stayed out there approximately 2 minutes before starting to cry and running inside because it was 'too cold'!!

Definitely an unusual situation for us here in Texas, but one that has brought some wonderful memories!